For the first time, my daughters are riding the same bus to school. This morning I playfully threatened to wave to them as they stood waiting for the bus. Imagine what they envisioned – Dad, with early morning hair and bedclothes, waving goodbye to them in front of their classmates! So instead of allowing this possibility their anxiety caused them to sneak out of the house while I was getting dressed without saying goodbye to me! And though I caused their nervousness – I was hurt when they didn’t say ‘goodbye!’
As I got into my car I could see them standing at the corner – and I decided to get back at them by ignoring them as I drove by! Sure enough, they waved to me as I passed them! And I looked at them – my two beautiful daughters – and didn’t return their wave! Amazing isn’t it? And I felt like a schmuck for the rest of the ride to work and throughout the day. How could I, an old guy, a supposed grown man, a father at least by definition … so easily let my hurt feelings keep me from acting in love and even nicely to these two special kids? And for the rest of the day as I interacted with the homeless men and women here I was reminded of how, I too, am driven by my feelings and often follow my impulses just like someone who struggles with addiction!
And yet amazingly, God wants me (and us) to be available for His use! It kind of reminds me of how Jesus responded to Peter when He appeared to him following the resurrection. Peter had three times denied knowing Jesus and was now asked whether He absolutely loved Jesus – and Peter answered something to the effect, ‘Yeah, you know I really like you, Lord!’ And yet after each of Peter’s halfhearted responses Jesus gives Peter an assignment – ‘Feed my sheep and tend my lambs!’ This is truly astonishing – how Jesus would choose to continue relating to and using those of us who have failed Him. There is hope for us who are so driven by our feelings. Now pardon me, I must be going. I have to go apologize to two young women!
Steve Brubaker - Residential Ministries Director
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