Happily ever after

Today my husband and celebrate 35 years of marriage. In some ways August 21, 1971 seems like a lifetime ago. I wish I could tell you this couple lived “happily ever after” since then, but I can’t. Life isn’t a fairy tale. Reality creeps in and the fairy tale quality of dating disappears. Suddenly disappointments and unmet expectations make “Mr. (or Mrs.). Right” seems all “Wrong.”

I think back to the starry-eyed bride and groom on our wedding day. We thought we had it all. Our marriage would be different from all the others. Oh, yes, we had heard that the bloom of first love fades as time wears on, but surely it wouldn’t happen to us. We were different. We were committed to making our marriage the best in the world. People would look at us and wonder how we do it. Idealistic? Absolutely! Different from any other couples on their wedding day? Probably not!

Just like every other couple the reality of every day living set in and I dare say that the next years of our marriage were not unlike those of many other couples. There were days, and weeks, and yes even a few years when we learned you really can’t just live on love. Love doesn’t pay the electric bill or put food on the table; it takes cold, hard cash. Love doesn’t mean “never having to say you’re sorry,” a phrase taken from the movie Love Story. In sickness and in health really does mean cleaning up the mess when the spouse and kids are all sick at the same time. And really any married couple will probably admit that things often do get worse before they get better.

But then I remember the joys. The thrill of holding our first born, a daughter, and later her brother. The celebration of milestones in their lives, which marked milestones in our lives as well. Observing first hand in their adult lives that they have embraced many of the values we taught and will pass them on to the next generation. Looking back to lives we have touched through foster parenting, home groups, mentoring, counseling, and teaching and feel a sense of satisfaction that we were able to pass on our heritage of faith. And I thank God for thirty-five years of relationships that have developed with people in our church, our neighborhoods, and our workplaces.

Most of all, I look back and know it was the hand of God that kept us going when things got tough. And as time will do, the struggles and heartaches are dimmed and the joys and celebrations of thirty-five years are enhanced. And I know that life is good. Thirty-five years doesn’t seem like a lifetime ago. It’s a joy and a privilege to walk hand in hand through life with my husband. I look forward to spending many more years with him – maybe another 35 so that we too can celebrate our 70th anniversary together just like his grandparents did!

Come to think of it – the bride and groom really are living “happily every after!” It all depends on your definition of happiness!

-Lorraine Brandt, Wonder Club School